May 24, 2024

Am I Really Where I Need to Be?

This week I will turn thirty years old, and I find myself panicking a bit. I am wondering if I’m really where I need to be and if I’m fulfilling the ‘calling’ I think I am called to. The fear of ‘missing the mark’ in ministry haunts me almost daily.

Am I doing exactly what He wants me to do? 

Am I pouring out in the ways that I am supposed to be pouring out? 

Am I in the ministry that He wants me to be in?

Sometimes these thoughts dominate so much of my brain space that I even get lost in my prayer time.

This verse convicted me this week:

“And this is God’s will for your life. That you may be sanctified.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3

Our holiness matters to God. I don’t think He is nearly as concerned with me calling the right person at the right time or fretting over a ‘missed ministry opportunity,’ as much as He is concerned with me becoming like Him. This does not mean that obedience to Him and His word does not matter. However, sometimes we can be so focused on what we are doing for others that we forget who we are with, and why we are doing it in the first place. Obedience in all areas of life matters to God—not desperately fretting over whether we heard Him correctly.

I don’t often ask myself if I am living in gratitude, or if I am living in worship of who God is and if He is sanctifying me. I do ask questions often about whether I heard Him correctly. I fret often over whether I ‘missed’ an opportunity somewhere to bless or serve someone. Ironically, I don’t panic nearly as much when I haven’t had my own time to pick up the Bible and renew my mind in Him.

Today, I read this quote:

“To the woman who is afraid she heard God wrong: Knowing what God wants us to do is not the aim of our life: worship is.” (Go and Tell Gals)

It is very possible to do all the right things and not honor God in the process with our worship. It is possible for someone to use their gifting for God but not be living their life in honor of Him. Samson is a classic example of this. Pictured in many Children’s Bibles as a heroic character of strength, I am puzzled by his appearance as a great man of God. While he is listed as one of the great heroes of faith in the Old Testament, his character is sometimes questionable. On the one hand, he is someone who was anointed by God with this incredible gift of strength. God used that strength to defeat the Israelite’s enemies. On the other hand, there was a lot of deception, sexual immorality, and a lack of discipline. He did some great things but didn’t really represent the Lord’s holiness and character in the process.

Could it be possible that we do the very same thing as pastors’ kids? We can take advantage of gifting or even calling, but not always take the time to cultivate a heart of worship behind it. Could this be the answer to much moral failure and mess-ups? We have gusto and motivation to go and do, but when it comes to our walk of being changed by His word and character, we are lacking. We become people who want to DO for God rather than BE like God in our character, and that’s a dangerous place to be.

So maybe, instead of panicking over the things that I am not doing or haven’t done in my thirty years and life, I need to step back and reevaluate…

Am I reflecting Christ’s character in my life? Am I honoring him in all that I do? Do I want to extend His love and grace to others, or just do things for Him?

We all have these moments, and they are important in our relationship with God. We must be in constant practice and reflection to align our hearts with God.

I cannot hear the voice of the Lord in specific ministry decisions when I am not prioritizing the voice of God in my everyday character and life. I cannot expect to be obedient to Him.

The wind blows steady but I can’t hear it for the roar.

The wind rustles gently but I’m convinced it must be a tornado for me to know it’s Him.

It’s not enough to sense his presence in the gentle rustling of the Bible turning pages for I demand a storm that he can command to be still.

By <a href="https://pastorskids.org/author/shay-t/" target="_self">Shay T.</a>

By Shay T.